New Client Cookies.

Does anyone else’s employer do this? Every time we get a new client, there’s an email that goes out:

[A department you didn’t know existed] got a new client!… [blah blah blah applaud all the hard work blah blah blah]… Cookies will be in the usual spots this afternoon!

FYI, the “usual spots” happen to be every admin desk which happens to be at every effing exit. There is literally no way to enter or leave the office without encountering a mountain of cookies heaped onto a plate. And they’re always delicious, perfectly gooey, freshly baked, and perfect in every way, so it’s almost impossible to resist them. Evil. They are evil cookies.

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Anyway, that happened today. I showed a little restraint, as in I had small pieces of cookie at a time instead of taking a whole one (did I mention they’re monster-sized?), but I don’t love that it happened. This does not make me want to root for new clients, and I think that’s probably the wrong sentiment.

So this is what I propose: instead of having New Client Cookies, we should have New Client Healthy Lunch and Go Home Early to Exercise. I would be out recruiting new clients all the time if we had that, and that’s not even my job! Think about it. “We got a new client! You’re going to lose 10 pounds if this keeps up!” Wouldn’t that make you happy? It would make me ecstatic. I would love to lose 10 pounds and I would love my company to be 100% financially secure. That, to me, would be a win-win.

Sometimes, though, I think I’m the only one who feels this way…

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